Dear China, You just broke my heart.
I wasn’t dissapointed when you won the bid for the 08 Olympics. I was a little dissapionted in the logo, until London 2012 out did you. I tried not to let the protests get in the way of the excitement of games. I got over the full media internet access debacle. I accepted the pollution issue after a couple days of rain and actually seeing blue sky on the broadcasts. I had all the concerns. Frankly, You scare me.
It wasn’t until today however, that I realized can’t keep writing you off.
I unfortunately did not get to watch the opening ceremonies. However, if I did, I would have seen a young girl capture the hearts of the world as she sang “Ode to the Motherland” as China’s flag was carried into the stadium. Wrong.
The girl, Lin Miaoke, was lip-syncing to the voice of 7 year old Yang Peiyi who was apparently “not cute enough”
“The reason was for the national interest,” said Chen Qigang, the ceremony’s musical director, in a state radio interview. “The child on camera should be flawless in image, internal feeling and expression. … Lin Miaoke is excellent in those aspects.”
So China, I doubt that amongst your 1,321,851,888 people one person will read this post but it has to be said. Yes, we live in a world where looks are unfortunately held highest. However, I CANNOT stress this enough. There has never, is not, nor will ever be a flawed image of a child. It is pure. It is real. It is honest. In no way imaginable was Yang flawed, until you made her. By stripping Peiyi, who by the way is freaking adorable, of the chance to shine you have placed an invisible flaw that cannot be removed. You’ve taken a beautiful “internal feeling” of a child and made it negative. You broke my heart, and I can bet I’m not the only one.
And to top it all off, this.
“It was confirmed that previously recorded footage was provided to the broadcasters for convenience and theatrical effects — as in many other big events,” Beijing organizing committee spokesman Wang Wei said. “On the day of the ceremony there were actual footprints of fireworks from the south to the north of the city.
“However, because of the poor visibility of the night, some previously recorded footage may have been used.”
Figures.
I hope and pray that I never begin to think different than being honest, true, and courageous enough to let what is real shine through. There is nothing more beautiful than that.
China, I present to you, the second ever Aw-Naw award.
Ok. I can’t take it anymore.
There are ideas in the world that inspire, fascinate, and create wonder. There are products that arouse desire, passion, and utility. There are thoughts that make even the greatest thinkers in the world pause in appreciation.
And then there’s this.
Yup. That’s exactly what it looks like. A big ole freakin spatula with a pair of scissors fit for a ribbon cutting ceremony attached.
Why, you ask? Leave it to the one and only, SkyMall
Pizza lovers rejoice: serving slices is easier than ever!
Slice and serve pizza easily with this new invention. It combines kitchen shears with a wedge-shaped spatula so you can slice and serve with one hand without ever losing toppings.
Unlike wheels and knives, it won’t damage cooking pans and will cut a perfect, even slice, every time. There’s only one utensil to clean, and it’s dishwashers safe.
Works for both left- and right-handed people. Features stainless-steel blades and a contoured soft grip. Fits in a standard kitchen drawer. 10-year manufacturer’s warranty. 3 5/16″H x 4 7/8″W x 12 7/8″L. 21 oz.
Ok. Fine. You’re tired of loosing your toppings to your neighbor who’s already eying the mound of meat sprinkles and cheese that just slide off your slice. I get it. But, seriously? Scissors? Because that’s the perfect design for cutting…bread…
I’ll be honest, it took me a couple seconds upon seeing that picture to wrap my head around it. Never in my life have I thought “Ah shoot! My cheese looks like it’s going to get it’s slide on. I wish I had some kind of cutting apparatus. Scissors even! Those would be perfect! Shoot, I’d pay $20 fer somethin’ like y’at.”
The mechanics of it don’t even make sense to me aside from actually trying to cut a pizza with scissors. Try and put a pair of scissors flat on a table and try and use them. No dice! I can’t put the words together anymore to express my astonishment.
So without further ado; Raise your palms to your forehead, grimace in pain, and join me in presenting the first ever Eat At Mine’s Aw-Naw Award. As in that ole southern phrase “Aw-Naw, Yer kiddin me! They really did that?!”
Aw-Naw Awards will be given to those poor souls, idea, and most-likely as-seen-on-tv products that deserve an award, but, enevitably fall short.
So like the headline says “Pizza Lovers Rejoice!” because serving pizza slices was such a hassle..until now!
